Reviewing Las Vegas Poker Rooms

Reviewing Las Vegas Poker Rooms
By Gone West

Recently, I decided to take a life sabbatical. I was really feeling burned out and unhealthy and decided that the immortal words, "Go West Young Man", were just the thing I needed. I packed up my stuff and moved to Las Vegas. After all, who wants to live and die in L.A. Sure the weather's nice, but the traffic will kill you, literally.

After some fine Kentucky sour mash, I decided that I needed to know if playing poker for a living was a reality or just a fantasy for me to tune out my girlfriend. So, I scrambled through my poker books and the Internet to see just what it took to get started as a professional. The first thing the pundits declared I needed was talent. Check. The next item on the list was a large bankroll. Check. The final item that the touts required was discipline, hours and hours of discipline. Yep, Check, Check, and Check. I definitely did not have any of those requirements met. So, I decided the best way to do it was to work toward those goals in a fine Protestant manner. It would probably help if I were Protestant. Nevertheless, I figured a nice quiet job to get on my feet while I log some serious hours at the lower limits should take care of those pesky pundits. After all, aren't we all just a little tired of these expert "How to Play A-Q and Win" articles. I personally have had A-Q shoved down my throat so many times; I haven't needed a comp the last six times I played. I'll tell you how to play A-Q, bet it and start rubbing those rosary beads. No need for a full article on the matter. Prayer is the only real answer.

Then, in a complete fog, a question started to burn through my pickled mind. Where, do I play? Sure, I have played the Bellagio, the Mirage, and the Horseshoe. But, these were on all weekend binges where I would play thirty hours to maximize my time and, of course, my losses before flying home so tired, I would have to take two additional sick days before getting back to work. I had to change that strategy. I was going to be living out there. I could play anytime and anywhere I wanted. I can go in and play one hand and be off like a cheap prom dress. I am local man! (Cue totally necessary superhero theme music.)

I then proceeded to search my trusty websites for some information on games and limits. I found some excellent lists for the Vegas area. My rum saturated mind told me, "We are in, brother!" After printing about fifteen pages of material, I was off to the Meadows. To my horror, it only took about eight hours to realize that my information was as accurate as a CIA report on terrorist activities. I was reminded of the Movie, Major League, when the management is looking at their Spring Training Invitees and the General Manager says, "This Guy's Dead!" "Well, scratch him off the list, " was the reply of the new owner. I went down my list only to realize that I just scratched off most of the list. In a rage, I gave my sheets to the local corner man to blow or wipe whatever he needed. At first he balked, I had to give him a dollar just to take that crap off my hands. Now I was all alone drifting through town with no information. Finally, I decided that I would just hit as many as I could and evaluate them on their merits.

This led me to the question of what makes a great poker room? Is it the action, the comps, or the fact that I won $20 in a 10-20 game four years ago? I would argue that they are all important in one way or another. However, there are several categories of evaluation that apply to all poker rooms.

1. Action - A room's action quality is important vertically and horizontally. It is important that any card room provides various games spread at various levels. It serves no purpose if you are a $15-30 player and then to walk into a card room for the first time only to find that they only have one $8-16, and that table is half-full. Also, I loathe the dreaded "retiree's game". Everyone has come across the inevitable room where the only seat in the house is nine old guys and you. You sit down and get a pair of Jacks right off the bat. Grandpa Simpson in the three seat raises, you re-raise and the rest of the table starts laughing as they quickly fold their hands. After Rumpelstilskin's pocket Aces crush your hand, the old timers enjoy telling you that Old Man River down there hasn't raised before the flop without Aces since he hit the beach at Normandy. Great, thanks for the tip, isn't it time for your nap, Father Time?

2. Quality of Service - It doesn't matter how serious a player a person is, every card player needs a drink or an ashtray at some point in his or her session. No one enjoys placing orders with waitresses who have to cover the entire first floor all night and get around to the poker room about once a shift with your watered down soda. Also, the overall performance of the poker room staff is critical. The room supervisor's ability to fill games and start new ones is very important. There are only so many articles in Card Player Magazine that are worth reading. Everyone also appreciates strong dealers. Card players love the kind who can keep the game tight and hopping, they make sure people don't play out of turn, keep the cards moving quickly and without error, sort the bets precisely, and yell out the number of players after every round. Nothing is more frustrating than to hear, "Floor on six, Please," every twenty minutes.

3. Comps - At a lot of card rooms, poker players are treated as second-class citizens. They never get the player rewards that slot or table game players receive. Who ever heard of a poker player getting his room paid? Everyone enjoys a free meal or a free buffet. Never mind that the steak in your steak and eggs still has the whip marks from yesterday's Sixth Race at Del Mar. That is why they invented steak sauce. A free meal is sometimes the only consoling factor in an otherwise dismally losing session. The quality and clarity of a room's comp system is very important and goes a long way in keeping a room full of players.

4. Miscellaneous - There are just a vast number of little things that separate the great poker rooms from the "good God, I have hit rock bottom" rooms. Bad Beat Jackpots, high and made hand rewards, Cracked Aces reimbursements, proximity to the Sports Book, and distance to the bathrooms are just a few quirks that every room has or don't have that makes the difference.

5. Joker - I have reserved this category just for my overall idiosyncrasies. From time to time I will note something of interest or completely annoying about a room and this really can make or break my experience. For example, last week I am playing a small Hold-em game on the Strip and this clown asked for a deck change or set-up every time his very mediocre hand got beat. I became so frustrated after an hour into my session that I just went home. How many decks do you need pal to tell you that 8-10 off suit is not going to win that much? In the immortal words of Charlie Brown, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

Throughout the rest of the summer, I am going to submit my reviews of the Las Vegas Poker Rooms. At the end of the day, this is just my opinion. I have devised a unique scoring system for my categories that will be unveiled with my first review. I am very interested in what others feel about my reviews and the card rooms in general. After I have reviewed as many as possible by Labor Day. I am going to select the "Royal Flush" of Poker Rooms for the year.